Passion

I remember when I was sixteen years old,

Passion and glory mysteriously came to a child;

I remember the bright sky and the sweet breeze,

It seemed all the greatness I could achieve with ease.

I remember when I was eighteen years old,

A dream was looming and came to unfold;

I remember when I was about to fly,

Pressure and cowardliness prevented me from a  try.

When a boy was excited and felt ready,

Suddenly wind veered and made the world dirty;

After years and years suffering with or without consciousness,

The road ahead became blur and clueless.

One day my inner self finally took the control,

But my outer self was still missing the soul;

Searching for truth and meaning which I could not believe,

Although the reason told me it didn’t thieve.

When I was about double the age when I had passion,

I found myself puzzled by the fashion;

Yet I realized life has no place for regret,

Whatever you can or cannot forget.

I look up and find nothing in my hand,

Nothing but the time flowing like the sand;

I do not need anything to make me thrive,

As long as I have regained the passion which had been my drive.

A child’s wound could be covered but never be healed,

A child’s dream could be hibernating but never be killed;

Now I have brought back the passion of a sixteen-year-old boy,

Wherever it leads me, I will follow my heart with power and joy.

Meaning of Life: the music and the love

I tend to believe that the question such as " what is the meaning of life" is a false question, which is to say: the question itself is meaningless and is not solvable whatsoever. Nevertheless, I believe that only by asking this question can human being be aware of our position beyond the physical occupation of space-time.  I agree with Wittgenstein that we should not bull-shit by playing the game of language while we pretend to be approaching truth, but I disagree with his claim: Of what one cannot speak, one must pass over in silence.  We cannot fully predict the consequence of our speech. It may be misleading but may be helpful. It is like chaos, but it can be complexity instead of chaos. It definitely has an order which our rational mind can not understand consciously. But somehow our unconscious mind or emotion can read the complexity. Our pattern recognition ability is one example. So, the meaning of life is only a false question according to our conscious rational mind, but it might be a legitimate question from our unconscious or emotional sensation.  It is what one cannot speak of, by Wittgenstein’s definition, but silence must be broken.

So what is the meaning of life? Any attempt to ask this question by conscious rational method is proved to be futile. If we tried these methods, though we can obtain various ‘answers’, they are not satisfactory. You simply know it. So you force yourself to believe the answer, whatever it is. Or you can keep yourself so busy that you forget this question at all. However, you still feel empty when you face this question bluntly. The only thing that can save you is your emotion. Here I would like to mention a particular type of emotion arousing method: music. It can bring you out of this world and at the same time bring you into this world. Although the music is not about this time-space, your are not feeling otherworldliness because your emotional part is beyond this time-space which does not encode the music as a physical object of this world. Music is simple in the sense that you can only sense it by whole. It is the One. Music is also a complexity because its significance is far beyond the content of the notes and lyrics. When Schopenhauer talked about the music, he thought it is something related to Will, not Appearance. The meaning of life, is the question for the Will, in his vocabulary. 

The following music in this feed is about love, from the Broadway musical the Phantom of the Opera. Simple love and simple lyrics. When expressed by means of music, it empowers itself and go closer to the Will, the unconscious mind, the emotion, the meaning of life. I am not sure if it is because of love or because of music. But love has to have romantic expression, otherwise it is passion in a physical sense. So the music is a type of love which is definitely in the category of the meaning of life. When I love, I can never feel empty. I am not sure if I successfully answer the question posted in the beginning. 

Tonight is a cold and lonely night in Minneapolis. I am just describing my feeling here: I love Love.  When I feel love, I feel warm and not lonely any more.

All I Ask of You

RAOUL
No more talk
of darkness,
Forget these
wide-eyed fears.
I’m here,
nothing can harm you -
my words will
warm and calm you.

Let me be
your freedom,
let daylight
dry -your tears.
I’m here,
with you, beside you,
to guard you
and to guide you . . .

CHRISTINE
Say you love me
every
waking moment,
turn my head
with talk of summertime . . .

Say you need me
with you,
now and always . . .
promise me that all
you say is true -
that’s all I ask
of you . . .

RAOUL
Let me be
your shelter,
let me
be your light.
You’re safe:
No-one will find you
your fears are
far behind you . . .

CHRISTINE
All I want
is freedom,
a world with
no more night . . .
and you
always beside me
to hold me
and to hide me . . .

RAOUL
Then say you’ll share with
me one
love, one lifetime . . .
Iet me lead you
from your solitude . . .

Say you need me
with you
here, beside you . . .
anywhere you go,
let me go too -
Christine,
that’s all I ask
of you . . .

CHRISTINE
Say you’ll share with
me one
love, one lifetime . . .
say the word
and I will follow you . . .

BOTH
Share each day with
me, each
night, each morning . . .

CHRISTINE
Say you love me . . .

RAOUL
You know I do . . .

BOTH
Love me -
that’s all I ask
of you . . .

(They kiss)

Anywhere you go
let me go too . . .
Love me -
that’s all I ask
of you . .

在幸福的中央

在远离大海万里的沙漠，海的感觉是什么？是海市蜃楼，是暂时抚慰着饥渴难耐的灵魂，是巨大的欢喜伴随着更大的失落；

 

在大海渗入陆地的静脉——江边，海的感觉是什么？是大海的初露锋芒，是憧憬，是信念，是怀疑远方蕴藏着更深的秘密；

 

在海边的沙滩上，海的感觉是什么？是充沛的情感，是力量，是绵绵不绝的波涛，是既充满诱惑又使人恐惧，一切要视天气和时间而定；

 

进入海几十里，海的感觉是什么？是风帆揭示的嚣张，是船板透露的轻浮，还是惊险刺激，喜怒无常？这是我们无法控制的自然；

 

在海的中央，海的感觉是什么？是一切皆入定，是极美，是博大，是融化，是完全占有，又是不留羁绊。

 

对幸福的感觉，也莫不如此。

 

好像任何东西，在极点的时候，总有些特殊的品质。其推论是：无论幸福有多近，在追逐幸福的过程中的世界，和达到幸福点的那个世界，是两个不同的世界。但通常的假设是，幸福永远到达不了：悲观的人认为它渐行渐远，乐观的人认为它无限接近却无法达到。于是，我们便不需要两种理论，因为没有这两个世界。这个理论也许适合大多数人，但并不适合我。我最新的经验告诉我，在幸福中央的生活是完全不同于追求幸福的的状态。我的假设是，幸福可以达到，而我已经达到。于是，我需要一整套新的世界观，新的定律来解释一切。

 

如果我以前人生的目的是追求幸福，那此刻，我的人生则只能是完全的虚无，因为我已经得到了幸福。此刻是在奥斯陆的冷夜，我在我的书桌前写打字，我的左边有一团红色在跳动，那是她的衣服，她在写字，所以我的感觉是温暖和光明的。这种感觉，几乎时刻在发生着。而这种生成我的感觉的能力，我把它称做幸福。我的幸福，并不只来自另一个主体，而是这个主体让我重新整合了我自己，让我获得对世界的新的理解，让我在奥斯陆的冷夜中得到温暖和光明，她的存在让我幸福。

 

我相信我是在幸福的中央。而我越来越难以理解在幸福的边缘或在幸福的远方，是什么样的感觉。我发现，幸福中央的定律并不能包含幸福远方的定律，我越是能理解现在的自己，就越是不能理解别人和过去的自己。过去，我在虚无中挣扎着，而现在，我很可能已经得到了虚无。正如没有经历过死的人用生者的体验去想象死人的孤寂是很可笑的，在虚无和欲望的冲突中挣扎的人为虚无而不寒而栗也是可笑的。此刻，我感到虚无，但我感到无比幸福。

oslo

回到奥斯陆。这里向大家报个到，我最近一切都好，有照片为证:)

词：为明天而作

钗头凤 

 

佳人脸，

桃花眼，

靥深睫重红晕浅。

思为线，

魂成片，

醒时缠缕，

梦中缱绻。

念、念、念。

男儿剑，

青锋现，

畅怀极北孤飞雁。

摹经典，

书黄卷，

路遥情近，

待携天远。

渐、渐、渐。

 

答案

以前，每一次为自己的思考辩护的时候，总是会说，是做一个痛苦的哲学家还是一头快乐的猪？我选择前者。

现在，我的答案是：我是一个快乐的哲学家。

奥斯陆的春天来了，来得好，来得及时。

我的积蓄

 

我有一点小小的积蓄
我要用它来创造甜蜜

 

我爱那寂静的山林
低吟着淙淙的小溪
一座茅草小屋
公鸡 母鸡 三只小鸡
收割了一茬又一茬
花开了一季又一季
亲爱的，
我用了三分之一的积蓄
买下了全部的大地

 

我爱那思绪的飞扬
不经意间创造奇迹
一起寻古访今
一起上天入地
在抽象的逻辑的钢筋阵里迷藏
在印象的音乐与图画堆里游戏
亲爱的，
我用了三分之一的积蓄
买下了所有的空气

 

我爱那灵魂深处的安宁
天地间只有你我的呼吸
人群来来往往
你我永不分离
地球围绕着心在转动
那颗心早已合二为一
亲爱的，
我用了三分之一的积蓄
买下了一切的意义

 

这些是我给你的礼物
这些是你给我的甜蜜
你的爱，给了我整个的世界
我才能买下整个的世界给你

 

2008-3-19